You know, like struggling with your confidence? Let's face it, if you've got a blog, you must think you're pretty awesome. The whole basis of a blog is thinking what you're doing is interesting and cool enough for people do give a damn about it. Well, I've obviously got a blog, and apparently I think my cycling endeavors make me pretty awesome and that you would probably want to hear every detail about how I almost got a really great result. Well, recently I haven't been feeling (or racing) like myself, thus no blogging. Honestly, how can someone be expected concoct a lengthy story and put a cocky, self-important spin on things when they've got no recent events to back up their story? Well, good news, I'm back feeling really important and awesome.
To be quite honest, I've been racing like trash this cyclocross season. I've had a decent ride here and there, but it's been pathetic in general. The cause? A little bit of everything. I've been struggling a bit with motivation, mostly because I'd been racing poorly. And I'd been racing poorly because of my lack of motivation. It's a vicious cycle, you see. It basically all boils down to me needing to get my head out of my ass.
I went to New Jersey 2 weeks ago and just got absolutely destroyed by sub-par fields in some of the nastiest conditions I've ever had the pleasure of racing my bike. You know how they say you've got to hit rock bottom? Well, New Jersey was my 'rock bottom". It was a good wake up call. I needed to stop expecting to see benefits for just being present. I wasn't doing the required work and it was painfully obvious. I've got no one to blame other than myself and no one can fix it other than me, either.
Since my self intervention, I've been sorry-for-myself sober for 2 weeks and counting. I've been training well, eating well (better), warming up, actually pre-riding the course, and not being a weak quitter on race day. Although the race results aren't exactly where I'd like them to be just yet, I feel like I'm finally taking the steps to get there. I know it's going to be a process, but I fully intend to take advantage of the second half of the season and race and train as hard as I can, every opportunity I get.
Seeing the way that Tim Johnson has taken his less-than-TJ start to his season has been a source of motivation for me. He's freaking Tim Johnson, and if he can handle getting 12th, I can sure as hell deal with the results that I've gotten.
I'm making this public declaration so that I can be held accountable. If you see me this weekend in Louisville, don't be afraid to ask me, "Hey, Ryan! How's keeping your head out of your ass going?"
I'd really appreciate that.